Resolutions

Resolution #1 Stop hitting the snooze button 

The alarm goes off and I immediately hit snooze.

I usually set it for 5:25 AM to give me time to slowly rise before 6:15 AM yoga, but I inevitably snooze until 6:05 and miss my class altogether. I did remedy this the other night: showered and ready for bed, I slipped into leggings, a yoga tank, and bra instead of my light flannel PJs.

At 6:05 AM Tuesday morning after “snoozing” for 40 minutes I turned off my heating pad (yes, I sleep with one) rolled out of bed, brushed, rinsed, and ran out the door. I made it to the studio in a respectable 13 minutes only slightly late and ready to roll, but started wilting at the 40 minute mark in class, leading to my next resolution …

Resolution #2  Keep swimming 

My yoga instructor is tight in body, instruction, mindset, and in discipline. Girlfriend also uses a heck of a lot of metaphors and motivational lines during each class.

“If you let go of the toe, it will never be there for you. If you don’t reach out and grab it, it will never be there.”

“Keep swimming, we aren’t back to shore yet. I know, I know, it burns, but that’s all that’s happening – burning. You can keep swimming.” 

I have touched on making a bigger effort in my working style and in my workouts on this blog enough to know it’d be hard to link to them all. The point remains – I must keep swimming. Consistent & focused energy and a shifted mindset is required. My instructor’s teacher was there that day and spoke with me after class saying, “Focus on alignment and firmness, not strength. Keep your poses firm, but the rest of your body pliable at the same time.”  Doesn’t that sound like a metaphor for life too?

Focus on aligning myself with my objectives. Stay firm in my intentions without wavering. Remain pliable, able to go with the flow and to focus on the present and I will eventually get to the pose. I have had countless discussions with friends about moving in a set direction one step at a time and having to let go of the outcome. This has been and still is very difficult for me to do, but I am working towards it in baby steps. Mindful baby steps are proving to be easier on my nerves than my attachment to predicting what outcomes lay ahead.

Resolution #3  I’ll keep on writing anyway

I go through waves of sharing my thoughts and I play with different ways of storytelling. I started worrying about   whether my posts seemed one-dimensional, narcissistic, or tiresome to any readers, so I pulled back on regular posting for no real reason.  I’ve missed it. Though I’ve never come from a self absorbed place, nor has anyone ever given me that kind of feedback, I let my worry of outside judgement, the frenetic environment of skewed social media accounts, and my own insecurities about my ability, mess with my head. Second guessing got the best of me.

A writer is supposed to write about what she knows best, and I know nothing better than my personal thoughts and experiences which I know are relatable. That’s why I started writing in this space and that’s why you started reading. When you read about me, you are really reading about yourself. So I resolve throughout the year to remind myself about this. To practice writing, because I really like doing it, and I want to become better at it. I need to remember my writing is for me and for you, but it isn’t for everybody.  That was the whole point of this blog anyway.

I am always happy to know that you’ve passed by. The community and friends that have stemmed from the blog are the surprise reward. I’m hoping we can have more conversations here, so please comment below or email me (evenifbobbie@gmail.com) if you want to keep a discussion going too. It’s something I really enjoy, and your communication is encouraging.  

Resolution #4  Trust my gut again

I just “know” things sometimes. My gut speaks to me, and that feeling has guided me throughout my life. More than self-fulfilling prophecies and bigger than the power of suggestion, my hunches are  often right (except with the $1.5B Powerball jackpot- I have women’s intuition, not psychic ability). Over the course of the past three months, however, I stopped being able to decipher the codes coming from within and had been flailing in minor decision making and started berating myself needlessly thereafter.

I had a FaceTime session with my mother over the holiday which brought me to tears. It is strongly felt in her household and within a tight circle of our friends that in spite of her condition, she’s become incredibly, almost eerily, “tuned in” to some people. She peered at me through the screen when I told her I couldn’t go home for Christmas and she said, “You need to take care of a lot of things, but mostly you need to take care of what’s in here,” while touching her chest in reference to mine. “You have a lot of angst. You don’t know whether you’re coming or going. I worry for you because now it’s affected your confidence. You feel like you’re constantly messing up and don’t have confidence in yourself that you’ve been doing the right thing. I want you to stop that. You have to stop believing you’re not doing a good job at anything because it isn’t true. If you keeping believing that, it will be hard for you to get over that and it will keep making you sick.”

I will start to trust my gut again. Taking time to be more mindful of my day to day is putting me back in touch with my core, which is where self belief resides. Intentional focus and waver free decisions take effort. Over the past few weeks I’ve worked really hard to get it back. When you’re stumbling, it’s not that easy to fake it till you make it. A mind shift, prayer, good food, lots of rest, and conversations, whether intense or refreshingly inane, are very nourishing and uplifting with trusted friends. Patience is another friend who heals the mind. So are vegetables.

Resolution #5 Eat more veggies

 (aka: Stop resisting what I know is good for me)

Nothing bad ever came from consuming more vegetables. Nothing bad ever came from doing what is best for me. Why do we resist what keeps us on track? Why do I ignore my gut instincts and try quieting it down too often with too much sugar or hard to process gluten-free grains? Why do we have a vice grip on doubt, self-loathing, guilt, and fear at the precise time we should be rid of it? Why do we feel the need to undermine ourselves? Why do we seek out the hard way when a better way lays waiting in front of us? Why do we think there’s got to be a short cut to anything important? Healthier thoughts, steady routines, positive literature, and uplifting company attract better energy and make way for the veggies, both physical and emotional. Let’s eat more of those. 

Resolution #6   Stop discounting the power of Pinterest posters

Advice comes in many forms in this modern time.  I won’t be excessively judgmental about where it comes from. This year in particular, I resolve to take it where I can get it. How about you?

  

Featured EAT print by Heather Hardison {source}

Resolution poster found on Pinterest {no original source}